


A Heavy Heart

by Dwells_In_Darkness



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Character Growth, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, Multiple Implied/Referenced Character Deaths, Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 13:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21271820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dwells_In_Darkness/pseuds/Dwells_In_Darkness
Summary: You find yourself arriving again, at the end of where it all had began. There's no remnant left of what once was, not even any carnage to speak of. Just you, standing in an empty void with nothing but your own memories to keep you company. But who do you blame for your loss? And in what way do you choose to move on?





	A Heavy Heart

Damn it all.

It feels like no matter where you go, or how many worlds you visit...

You always find yourself back here eventually.

Your eyes are listless as you gaze into the empty, black horizon. Finding no solid matter, nor a source of light as it stretches on for eternity.

Nothing to see and no sounds to be heard. Well, apart from that distant howling which— you would normally presume was the wind.

But you've never felt so much as a breeze in this place.

Perhaps it is just an echo of what was once here.

Sort of like a broken program that's still trying to run even after all the data was removed.

Hell if you know. But postulating on what scant traces could be left in this pocket-of-nothing has never done you much good before.

. . . Why are you here? Why do you always _come back? _

Is it just to wallow in your own sense of loneliness? To dwell on your failures?

You've been trying so hard to move on, to keep moving forward and towards living a life.

But how can you? 

When you're forever stuck, mourning everything you've lost!?

Almost absently, your hand rests itself over your chest, on the locket you still wear around your neck.

It feels heavy. You grasp the heart-shaped center piece tightly in your hand.

The thin gold chain supporting it now feels like a shackle, **binding** you here with this weight of responsibility.

With a short tug the fastening comes loose, freeing the locket from your person.

You take a moment to examine it while it lays in your palm. 

It's smooth metallic surface is too warped in shape to hold a stable reflection.

Even so, you can still spot the quiet pain and weariness mirrored back at you in your gaze.

Flicking your thumb across the little mechanism holding it shut, you hear a small click as it opens.

Inside is the last remaining tiny copy of the group photo that you, your family and your friends all took together.

There's a dull ache, developing into a stab within your chest when you look upon all the smiling faces. 

You've been carrying it for god knows how long, this, and the crushing guilt of having failed to keep them all alive.

And you can't escape it.

You can't pretend it's alright, you can't wear the same smile forever.

You're tired. You're **drowning**. And you can't take it anymore.

. . . .

You suppose that you could resent _them_ for this. 

For putting you in this situation, where you had to feel responsible for them and for their entire world.

And for one, _shameful_, raw moment. 

_ You **try**._

You try to conjure feelings of bitterness for all of them.

Clenching the piece of jewelry tightly within a fist, you screw your eyes shut and grit your teeth.

You struggle to hold resentment towards them for their unshaken faith in you.

For their acceptance of the power you held over them and their confidence that you would always do the _right thing!_

For putting all of this on the shoulders of a single person! **One little girl!**

Your arm raises with the locket in hand, preparing to cast it, and the remainder of your guilt into the abyss before you.

It's not fair.

_It isn't fucking fair!_

_______

_"you're right, it isn't. it isn't fair."_

Your arm freezes in mid-fling. And a choked sob escapes you.

While memories of past conversations flood forth to the surface of your mind, unbidden. 

_"sorry kiddo, i'd change things if i could. but i can't."_

Your grip falters as your shoulders tremble. 

Some of the chain pours out from your hand and dangles against your wrist.

_"I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU HUMAN, BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND!"_

_"I fear you've been stressing far too much of late my child, is there any way that I can help?"_

Your head bows in shame and regret, a few tears fall from your face in the process. 

And your arm drops to your side in surrender, the inclination towards the sin it was to commit now gone. 

You can't do it. 

You just can't.

. . . .

You recall now a brief conversation you had with your father, Asgore.

Some may have thought of him as a bit of a goof, cheerful and kind but not very wise.

But you knew better, the old goat had his own kernels of wisdom from time to time.

Once, when you were younger, you asked him if he ever felt overburdened by his duties as king.

"Heavy is the crown" he had replied with a soft chuckle.

And even while you were a child you knew that this wasn't meant as a boast. 

He was letting you know that yes, such responsibilities could be quite the burden to carry.

But also that he had accepted it voluntarily, because his people meant more to him than being his subjects.

They were the people that he loved. His friends. And he would endeavor to do right by them with little complaint.

Being their king may not have been precisely his choice, but he approached it as being his privilege.

You will probably never know the precise reason _why_ you have the power that you do.

One thing is for certain though, when you were first fully able to take the reigns of your story...

It was you who made the decision on how that power was used.

And your choice was based on how much you had grown to care about all of them.

Papyrus, Sans, Undyne, Alphys, Metaton, Mom, Dad and-

Even Flowey, Asriel.

None of them twisted your arm, none of them forced you to love them.

Only thing Sans ever did was remind you of the dangers there were from wielding the ability you had.

And when the chips were down, when Flowey had them in his coils and threatened your very soul

All of them, every single one, tried to protect you and stood in _your defense_ .

They were even willing to die if need be, just to keep you safe. Their **friend**.

And you know, deep within yourself, that if they could have shouldered your burdens for you...

They would have.

Without hesitation.

The truth is, however much you might feel responsible. 

However much you may buckle under the weight of losing them.

Or however much guilt you feel for being unable to fix things, or bring them back.

It isn't their fault.

And you can't convince yourself otherwise for more than a second.

Maybe it would be easier to give into bitterness and resentment.

Either with them or with the universe for the way that fate unfolded.

But it would be a lie, and it wouldn't be fair to the ones who loved you so much.

The ones that you love so much. 

Growing up surrounded by those who purely wanted to support you and see you succeed.

It's the greatest gift you could ever have asked for.

Knowing that all of it is gone tears you apart at the seams, but you couldn't sully their memory.

You now clutch the locket close to your chest with both hands, curling into yourself somewhat.

Quaking where you stand, you want desperately to cry.

Laugh.

Or just scream wordlessly into the void.

Yet, you don't do either of these things. Having an unspoken resolve to finish the rest of your grieving in silence.

After some time of standing in place while your emotions wrack through your body, you straighten back up. 

You fasten the gold chain back around your neck and take one last look at your surroundings.

Somehow you will gather what strength you have left to carry on.

You have to. For their sake just as much as your own. 

Someday you will find joy in life again, as well as people to love and share your life with. 

You just have to stay patient and stay Determined. 

And until then, you need to accept the burdens of the life that you have chosen provides you.

As a vagabond without a home.

_And with a heavy heart._

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I wrote initially as background for my interpretation of a canon character. It was originally intended for just role play purposes, but I've decided to share it. Incidentally, this is the first thing I've written that I've elected to share so publicly. Despite having been writing as a passion for the better part of over a decade. 
> 
> I'm not going to say something like 'go easy on me' but I will ask that everyone keeps what ever criticisms they have civil at least. Everyone is welcome to their own opinion, let's just all be respectful about them.


End file.
